Found out a couple of days ago that a soldier I deployed with to Afghanistan took his own life. I am praying for all of his friends and family.  I’m also praying for my DCOM-SPO family.  This is both disheartening and sad. As a veteran of a combat zone I definitely understand how difficult it is to integrate back into normal society.  Things that used to come so easy seem so difficult now, like driving down the road.  The switch doesn’t just turn off now that your home. You’re used to driving down the road being on high alert looking out for anything suspicious.  That type of thing doesn’t just turn off the minute you return home.  It is a daily struggle acclimating yourself back into normal society, and a lot of times you just want someone who understands how you feel. 

Things that people normally take for granted you cherish. Like clean air and clean water. The ability to drink water straight from the tap, or take a deep breath not having to worry about if it will give you breathing problems later on in life.  It’s a struggle that most people are empathetic to, but don’t understand.  They don’t understand that the smallest things tick you off. For example, going away knowing that you left your room a certain way.  Then you come home and find out that someone rearranged your entire room.  That can be infuriating.  Coming home to your room is a part of your familiarity and normalcy. If that normalcy is disrupted it frustrates you. Finding a pair of pants can be one of the angriest experiences you have. For an entire year, sometimes longer, your life has been on pause while everyone else’s has kept on going.  Coming home to friends and family can be tough. You expect them to be the same, but you’ve changed so much.  You’ve missed out on key moments that they have shared together. Laughter, crying, pain, love, you are a stranger to moments that you used to be a part of all the time; Do you know how much it can hurt to be on the outside of an inside joke amongst your friends, or coming home and wanting to hear about a funny story and they say ” you had to be there to understand what we’re talking about.”  The toughest thing is watching events unfold from home and your love ones have to suffer but you can’t be there to comfort them, or knowing that if you were home the outcome of a situation would have been completely different. The daily struggles can be very daunting at times.

Don’t get me wrong the feeling of being deployed can be a very rewarding feeling. Knowing that you’re serving your country, and making a sacrifice that most people won’t get to experience is very rewarding.  It is an experience that has made me a better man, soldier, and leader. I appreciate all of the love and support. The jobs, benefits, letters, messages, and everything else that people do to support is greatly appreciated. The point of this is that even though all those things are nice, what I really need is your love, patience and understanding.  To work with me and know that I’m trying the best I can to readjust myself back into society and I don’t want to be a burden. 

To all my fellow combat veterans who understand how I feel please know that you are not alone.  Someone understands you and is here to help.  Just like down range you’re not in the fight alone, you always have a battle buddy.  There is countless number of resources that can be a huge help.  No situation is too big.  As long as you are willing to fight there will be someone willing to help you

Found out a couple of days ago that a soldier I deployed with to Afghanistan took his own life. I am praying for all of his friends and family.  I’m also praying for my DCOM-SPO family.  This is both disheartening and sad. As a veteran of a combat zone I definitely understand how difficult it is to integrate back into normal society.  Things that used to come so easy seem so difficult now, like driving down the road.  The switch doesn’t just turn off now that your home. You’re used to driving down the road being on high alert looking out for anything suspicious.  That type of thing doesn’t just turn off the minute you return home.  It is a daily struggle acclimating yourself back into normal society, and a lot of times you just want someone who understands how you feel.